What Living in Kenya Today Looks Like

This last month I (Jonathan) have struggled a lot with "Living in Fear." The reason that I am telling you all of this is because I am tired of hearing how missionaries will admit that they will never share with supporters what they are struggling with. Africa has this picture in the missionary community that is supposed to be where the harvest is plentiful and yes its tiring work, but there is so much fulfillment and work being done that it's this rosy picture of a missionaries changing the continent and anything that talks of personal struggles and challenges needs to be put aside because we are doing "God's Work." I hope and pray that O and I never get to a place where the things that we are facing and dealing with are put into closets and kept from friends. But this is a personal blog that I hope somehow connects you to the things that I am struggling with as a result of living in Kenya and I hope it helps you to know where I am at, what I am facing, and how you can pray for me and this country.

So yesterday, O and I got an email from the U.S. Embassy that was a travel advisory warning for Kenya. If you haven't seen on the news lately, Kenya is at war with Somolia and we have been under attack since late last year. If you were to get this email this is what it would have said,

"In the past year, there have been at least 17 attacks involving grenades or explosive devices in Kenya.  At least 48 people died in these attacks, and around 200 people were injured.  There were no U.S. citizens among the casualties... The most recent attack involved two simultaneous assaults on churches in Garissa on July 1, 2012.  In this attack, 17 people were killed and about 50 people were injured."

That is the reality of where we are living. The country is at war and based on the last attack on the church and what we are hearing from friends in that area, the local church is being persecuted. Garissa is a Muslim community where the Christians are walking around with a number over their head and the terrorists can claim that these are attacks, but they are specifically targeting the church and Christians in that area.

These are definitely not fun facts to share with you, but it is the truth. So far we have not been near any of the attacks and our friends haven't been hurt, but it's a scary place to live right now. In some ways it doesn't feel real because wars never happened in the U.S. when I was growing up. Yes, we had the 9/11 attacks, but never have I encountered a time when almost every other week or once a month there was another bombing, a shooting up the road, or having to deal with the images of seeing a motorcyclist run over by a bus. Yes all of those have happened this month.

So knowing that Kenya is on high alert and there is always potential for the unknown to happen in regards to terrorists, there is also the issue of walking among the poor. This has definitely been a challenging time in life where I see the statistic every day of people living on less than a dollar a day and I am viewed as a "Bill Gates" who will give everyone who asks for money a handout that will change their lives. This is the way that we are seen, and to be honest, it sucks. There is no distinction between the tourist "whites"and the local "whites." We are all seen and viewed the same.

So why do I not walk around with a huge boost of confidence and think I can take on the world if I'm seen in this way? It's because I'm afraid of how desperate the next person is. This question of "how desperate is this person?" has become a constant nagging question that I am dealing with and I ask myself are these concerns even legitimate?

The other day I was walking to meet a friend at our local coffee shop and on my way there I walked past a maasaii warrior who stared me down for a good 50 meters and I can honestly tell you that it was one of the scariest moments that I have experienced since being here. Nothing happened, but it honestly felt like he was a "Dementor" from Harry Potter sucking every ounce of happiness out of me. These moments and the like are ones that missionaries think that supporters don't need to know about or even want to know, but they affect our work and lives and we shouldn't feel that we have to hide them from you. Yes, the truth is that missionaries have God on their side, but at the same time, there is that element of us not being in control of small situations such as walking down the road from our house and being mugged, being at the wrong place at the wrong time and feeling an explosion, or having friends witness a shooting. There is a lack of trust in God, at least in me, that I am being protected from these things happening.

Please do not read this as a message that O and I want out and are ready to throw in the flag and come home, but merely that we / I desperately need your prayers. Both mine and O's work have both come to a point where we are frustrated and its hard to keep going, but we know that we have been called to Kenya for a reason and we are going to remain faithful in knowing that He has a plan for all of this. This is a small / HUGE place that I have come to that I need His Word, His protection, His will to show me more that its not about me, that its about Him and His plan.

I want to close with a Psalm because when I read it yesterday, I realized that this is where I am at (the depths), what I am struggling with (waiting on the Lord), and what I have to look forward to (He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities).

Psalm 130
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord! O Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy. If you O Lord should mark iniquities, O Lord who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness that you may be feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I hope: my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

Love you guys,
J